At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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