She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
