this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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