i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
