Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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