Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
