1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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