last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
