i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
