We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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