Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
two words...techno handjob
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
