if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
