my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
