God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
