So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
