having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
