8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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