So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
