Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The air taste purple.
Randomize
