Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
