Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My vagina just recognized that song.
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize