I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
