Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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