ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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