I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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