It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
