he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
