these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
