If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
