and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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