I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
