Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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