I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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