My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
