Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
