I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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