Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
