I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize