If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
