idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
