i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
