I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
