Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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