I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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