Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
