i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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