Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
