okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
