Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
