you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
