just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
