what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We got so high we made milksteak
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
