I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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