Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
