It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
honey bunches of taint.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
