So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
