I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Randomize
