I want to walk on stilts...naked
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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