I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
