Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
