He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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