Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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