WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
