I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
