My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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