Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
