remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
