First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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