and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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