Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
