I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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