Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
