yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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