You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
