I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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